Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 221

When I started, you didn't make a lot of money by being a comedian. You didn't get a lot of respect.

The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They're supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.

It's kind of funny how that happened. When I was a child, I had a dream of one day becoming very influential and being in the entertainment world. I really wanted badly for that to happen, and in the last couple of years, my manager told me I was nominated for the group of the Most Influential Vietnamese-American Individuals in the world, along with generals and ambassadors and surgeons. It's an honor. It's mind-boggling. I'm a college dropout; I'm a high school failure, someone who came from a homeless background, but I understand the American pop culture and doing comedy from my heart led me to be in the Smithsonian Institute in Washington, D.C.

I pretty much try to stay in a constant state of confusion just because of the expression it leaves on my face.

So it took me five years because in the interim I have been doing a lot of personal appearances and movies and some television series that went into the plumbing and I stopped writing for a while.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

It's only a joke and the duck didn't really die, and you conservationists are probably all pure vegetarians and don't eat meat or anything like that and you're worried...I hope a butterfly flies up your nose you choke to death!

My father contracted polio on a troop train in Korea.

A timid gray-haired lady boarded a Philadelphia local at Trenton and asked the conductor, “Does this train stop at the Broad Street terminal?” “If it doesn't lady,” he assured her, “you're going to see one heck of a crush!”

And the only studies were - Rodney Dangerfield was my mentor and he was my Yale drama school for comedy.

The only thing money gives you is the freedom of not worrying about money.

I'm thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.

Sir one more comment like that and I will strangle you with my microphone wire!

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

I hate sandwiches at New York delis. Too much meat on the sandwich. It's like a cow with a cracker on either side. "Would you like anything else with the pastrami sandwich?" "Yeah, a loaf of bread and some other people!"