Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 221
You see a guy with one leg, he's got a story. "Land mine '69." You see a guy with one arm, he's got a story, too. "Snow blower, bottle of whiskey." You see a guy with one tooth, what would the story be? "Well, uh, I like a lot of taffy."
Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside.
I suffer from two phobias: 1) Phobia-Phobia, the fear that you're unable to get scared, and 2) Xylophataquieopiaphobia, the fear of not pronouncing words correctly.
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?
This family was raised Catholic and I think there are still some members of the family who are practising Catholics, while others are recovering Catholics! That, to me, is a real part of America and we wanted to represent that.
Taking a leak on a tree in the great wilderness of Alaska should not be a "who farted?" situation.
God doesn't hate gay people, he's just mad they found a loophole in the system..."We're just going to bang each other. It's better than all that..neh neh neh neh neh...listen, listen, listen...if I lost a leg would you still love me? You mean from the knee down? You lose a finger nail I'll break up with you. There's no depth to my shallowness."
If I'm a game show host, will someone buy a ticket to see me do standup? To do a dramatic role in a movie?
I'm not saying looting is good, ... But I'm saying surely at a time when your child needs diapers and you need food, when does looting stop...
Save yer breath! That's just another long list of lies perpetrated by The Man to keep a brutha down!
Oreo, have you been reading my diary? Because this has been a fantasy of mine for some time.
I'll tell ya, my wife and I, we don't think alike. She donates money to the homeless, and I donate money to the topless!