Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 228
Our relationship finally ended when he took to waking me up in the wee hours o the morning when he would go surfing. He thought it might be fun to have me come watch. "Fun for who?" I wanted to ask. I had never asked him to come to Happy Hour and watch me drink.
The rebel army in Libya is just like 1,000 guys in Toyota trucks. The world is asking the question; can 1000 anti-government guys in pick-up trucks with small arms, take over a country of millions? To which I say, ask the Teabaggers.
I was making pancakes the other day and a fly flew into the kitchen. And that's when I realized that a spatula is a lot like a fly swatter. And a crushed fly is a lot like a blueberry. And a roommate is a lot like a fly eater.
Those are adult magazines. Anybody can own them. It doesn't prove the charge.
If you have a pear shaped body, you should not wear pear colored clothes, or act juicy.
Outside came in '60. The Edge in '61. All three made Gold, but the biggest seller was Inside.
A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.
What we want to do is raise the bare minimum amount that will give us a large enough microphone to effectively convey our message. Unfortunately, $20 million is critical mass in terms of running an effective campaign in New York.
Where else but in America can a poor black man like Michael Jackson grow up to be a rich white woman?
The worst thing that can happen to a comedian is to do a documentary on your life and you're watching it with an audience and there's not a laugh.
Digital brand integration is part of the evolution of product placement. It's simply another tool marketers use to get products integrated into shows. If you can put it in a package, we can put it in a show.
We all want something else other than what we have and don't realize what you got works. It works. It does work. You gotta work. Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure.