Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 229
Christ was born in a manger, laying down amongst donkeys ang goats. He was given gifts of incense and perfume. No kidding.
Babies awaken slightly disoriented, with a look that's half Angel and half Lost Tourist.
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guys are very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.
It is my belief that Latinos in show business have to be self sufficient and creative while aggressively attempting to penetrate post-mogul Hollywood. Self- starting is becoming the path to serious studio support.
Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.
A kiss is not a contract, but its very nice. Just because you've been exploring my mouth doesn't mean you get to take an expedition for the south.
I've been to jail, but I do little stuff for little time. I go to jail for stuff like eating in the supermarket. Don't laugh - all of us do this stuff. I'm the only brother who got caught.
They’ve come to kill us! And take our women! And our precious metals!
I hate turkeys. If you go to the grocery store, you start to get mad at turkeys. You see turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Somebody just needs to tell the turkeys, "Man, just be yourselves!" I already like you, little fella. I used to draw you. If you had a couple of fingers missing, you would draw a really messed-up turkey. That turkey was in an accident!
What is dirty? And what is clean? Now, if I had to make a choice, man, I would rather my kid watch a stag movie than a clean movie like King of Kings. Why? Because King of Kings is full of killing and I don't want my kid to kill Christ when he comes back.
You ever see people breath be so bad you can see the words coming out of their mouth? You be standing there talking - 'Yeah, I can see what you're talking about.'