Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 272
Say what you will about Gypsy women, but they are remarkable assessors of blues guitar talent.
The whole country was tied together by radio. We all experienced the same heroes and comedians and singers. They were giants.
Baseball is very big with my people. It figures. It's the only way we can get to shake a bat at a white man without starting a riot.
I’m actually pretty good at tennis. Well, if I’m in the Special Olympics or something.
Being a white boxer is like being a republican. No matter how hard you work, you’ll always lose because of the Mexicans.
Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.
We were poor. If I wasn't a boy, I wouldn't have had nothing to play with.
My movies just kind of sneak up on you. I don't have to worry too much about what everybody is going to say. Anyway, I really don't pay attention to what the world says about my movies. I just care about what my buddies think.
If you have a choice of selling shoes to ladies or giving birth to a flaming porcupine... look into that second, less painful career.
Where else but in America could the women's liberation movement take off their bras, then go on TV to complain about their lack of support?
Dude, I would have started throwing things at me right away. Right away. If I was nineteen years old and I was in the parking lot, or wherever I was, and I was putting whatever in my system, and I think Metallica's going on at 8 and some yo-yo goes up who's going to do comedy, I'm looking for everything I can to throw at him.
The new phone book’s here... The new phone book’s here... This is the kind of spontaneous publicity I need... My name in print... That really makes somebody... Things are going to start happening to me now.
I consider myself a modern-day dad, where I still got rock'n'roll in me, but yet I take being a parent and relationships very seriously in life. I'm tired of the image of the father as a fat, beer-chugging, stupid guy. That image has to change. I'm changing it, baby, one city at a time.