Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 326
Women are more emotional. They do get flustered. Which is not to say that men are better than they. It's simply the way it is.
I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.
I say, If everybody in this house lives where it's God first, friends and family second and you third, we won't ever have an argument.
I was never brave before. I always tried to make it work. Now I have nothing to lose except some cash, and it's just not that important to me. I've never been allowed up until now to remain who I am, or true to what my life is like.
Rush Limbaugh, who has made a career preaching that anybody who does drugs has got to go right to jail - do not pass go, no questions asked, right to jail - gets caught doing thirty oxycontin a day. Thirty oxycontin?! Do you have any idea how high that is?! I don't, and I've been pretty high!
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
I really want to love somebody. I do. I just don't know if it's possible forever and ever.
Human kindness has no reward. You should give to others in every way you see. You should expect absolutely nothing from anyone. It should be your goal to love every human you encounter. All human suffering that you're aware of and continues without your effort to stop it becomes your crime. Humans are always evolving. If you do one thing that if done by every human would destroy the world, that makes you Hitler... I don't live by any of those. But I believe them all very strongly.
I was in Philadelphia - a very angry town, Philadelphia. I've never seen a town like this. It's supposed to be the City of Brotherly Love - like when my brother was 12 and I was nine, and he would lean on my shoulder and dangle spit in my face.
Jen said she'd never ever see me again. When I saw her again, she said it again.
Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.