Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 400
Jordan's gonna have a case of "assus beatus redus". That's Latin for I'm gonna beat his ass until it glows.
Take a drink from the water fountain. Water's running nice and brown. Tastes like an iron mine.
I just got back from New York. You ever been there? There was a big gay parade going on there when I was there, and I never been to one of them, and I like a parade. I always like a parade. So, I go there, and it turns out, it's just a bunch of gay guys.
If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.
There's got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place.
The foundation to a good friendship is trust but the foundation to good comedy is by betraying your friends.
Holy shit, everything comes from China nowadays. Do we make anything in America besides porn and autistic kids anymore?
Some tips for life: 1. Don't be afraid to follow your dreams, unless your dreams are stupid. 2. Be kind to people. 3. Don't get too excited when you read the Fountainhead. 4. In times of recession, it is time for invention. 5. Things can kill you, so keep that in mind, you fearless know it alls.
Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door.
I think it started when she said she's happier without me. I can't really blame her 'cause I'm happier without me!
Fuckin' is good for you, Jack. Gettin' some pussy beats having a war.
Talking to the British about sex is like talking to Americans about reading. Nobody does it so why talk about it?