Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 401
I was a 36C or D, and at 5' 1'', I knew that being a small person with big boobs standing in front of an audience was not going to be easy. It would be really hard to get people to pay attention to me without mocking me. Getting a breast reduction to prepare for my career was no different from people who work to get good grades to get into a good college to get into a good graduate school to get a good job. I went down to a B cup, and it was the best thing in the whole world.
Of course the sexiest thing a girl can do is not complain about her body.
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
I think it started when she said she's happier without me. I can't really blame her 'cause I'm happier without me!
They had this movie called Juno about a teenage girl who gets pregnant and it's nominated for an Oscar. That's an unusual experience for me, 'cause when a black girl gets pregnant it ain't no Oscar. It's social work and a box of condoms is what that is.
Charlton Heston admitted he had a drinking problem, and I said to myself, "Thank God this guy doesn't own any guns!"
My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
I used to say that whenever people heard my Southern accent, they always wanted to deduct 100 IQ points.
The presence of excessive wealth puts an unnatural spin on the appreciation of art.
United Airlines: Passengers are our worst enemy. We're not too fond of luggage either.
My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, “Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul.” That’s just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.