Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 444
My mother was supportive without knowing it. Deep down she wanted all the right things, she just didn't see the world like I did, and she's not supposed to.
Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.
Home is wherever I am. People make too big a deal about where you live. I try to be grounded in myself. Home is another way of saying 'a place where you keep all your stuff'.
I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there's a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood. My buddy says to me "you think he's been hunting?" "Nope, They're probably giving them away with the purchase of every jeep." Here's your sign!
I’m not a racist or misogynist person, but I find these jokes funny, so I say them.
I started playing golf when I was a kid, because across the street from where we lived there was a little nine-hole golf course where my father worked.
We're hoping that this will also be the key to starting community events in a place where the whole community can come together. We've been working with the town on the total renovation.
When you grow up poor, you have to either work really hard to try and get where you want to be, or you'll just stay put.
You can have a film and have 200 white people working on it, and nobody finds anything wrong with that. But if you insist on having a black crew, all of a sudden there`s something wrong.
I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together.
I wanted to do something different, but it`s a weird transition you`re making here. You`re trying to get the audience to come with you.
It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.