Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 511
I had one DWI, which was a bogus charge, because it turns out they were stopping every vehicle driving down that particular sidewalk. That’s profiling. And profiling is wrong.
You knew at some point that he was supposed to win. He had all the right ingredients that came together at the right time. He's tall, good looking, articulate, highly intelligent, smooth under pressure, charismatic and, most importantly, he was the right shade. He made white people feel comfortable. 'Cause you all know if that nigger was Bernie Mac black or 'Precious' purple, he wouldn't have won. He's like coffee with cream; it goes down easy. You ever have coffee black? It's too strong.
However, even under the best of circumstances, four-year graduation rates for the next few years will be substantially lower than those in the three provinces.
I starred in a Broadway play that was Sidney Poitier's first directing job and the cast was Lou Gossett, Cicely Tyson, Diana Ladd and I played a Jewish kid who offered himself as a slave to two Columbia University students as reparations.
Don’t try to give a funny opinion; give your opinion in a way that will be funny.
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?"
It's an ongoing joke that a black man is always the first one to get killed in movies.
I asked the girl if she could bring a sister for me. She did. Sister Maria Teresa. It was a very slow evening. We discussed the New Testament. We agreed that He was very well adjusted for an only child.
I never minded George Steinbrenner spending obscene amounts of money to put the best product on the field.