Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 613
I would say just in general, in life, I'm more willing to be animated as a person, and so obviously onstage as well.
Many Zookeeper sequels in the works. Paul Blart Mall Keeper, Kevin James interacts with talking berets at Lids. Then there’s Morning Zookeepers, where he’s a morning deejay and interacting with talking animals.
Recently started flat ironing my ball hair. Come on ladies, you know how it is; if you have curly hair you just want straight hair.
Or people who have one baby and go buy a minivan... how big is your baby?
When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.
I’ve started to get this feeling that I’m totally, totally fucked.
Little did I know that earning a living at stand-up is the hardest thing you can do. But once I started doing it, I just loved it, and I realized that I was actually kinda good at it, and then that was it.
John Travolta, who said, "My Saturday night fever was nothing compared to my Sunday morning rash." Never got a dinner!
There's always that great photo of the actress or model lifting up her shirt just to show you the bone structure and the six-pack of her own. It's almost like when horses are auctioned and they show you their teeth. 'Am I good enough?'
I wonder if it’s rude for a deaf person to talk with food in their hands.
I think comedy is a good way to deal with anything. I hear about people in the hospital who are ill, and they use humor to help them through it. I think it's a great remedy for many things.
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
I took my son to Coney island, I said "wanna go in the crazy house?", he said "save your money we'll be home soon"!
They say my public persona don’t have enough appeal, I take a lesson from Kanye and give 'em something real.