Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 620
Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
I'm quite good at taking in information so I voraciously inhale Wikipedia - which may have some things wrong in it, but I think is generally more information than we had before. Last tour we didn't have Wikipedia. And then Discovery Channel and History Channel. I can take it in and retain what I think are the most important facts.
Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
He went from looking like a Greek god to becoming Buddha: quiet, contained, but so powerful... And he's such a fighter. I thought, "He's going to the hospital, he'll be OK, he'll come out."
This was my attempt to deter cold callers: "There's no past, there's no future, just one pulsating present... Please leave your message after the tone."
You might be a redneck if you've ever worn a tube-top to a funeral home.
If you're a woman and a guy's ever said anything romantic to you, he just left off the second part that would have made you sick if you could have heard it.
You might be a redneck if your bumper sticker says, "My other car is a combine."
When a couch potato is sliced up and then deep fried that is couch french fries.
You got it, doll, I was curious to see which Courtney Love was going to show up: the smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore or the violent smeared-lipstick crazy coke whore.
I have emotional needs that I didn't know I had, and I have physical needs that I didn't know weren't really needs.
If you go to a bad movie, it's two hours. If you're in a bad movie, it's two years.