Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 621
I came from an Italian house. The refrigerator was always full. I never knew you had to buy food. I thought there were food fairies that came at night.
The only thing I really recommend, if you're starting out in stand-up is to not try to copy anybody else. You can be influenced by people. I was influenced by Steve Martin and Bob Newhart and Woody Allen, but I never tried to be someone else. I always tried to be myself. And the reason people are successful is they're unique.
There's so much Botox around now that you can't tell when a Jewish girl is angry!
My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.
There was one embarrassing moment for President Bush. When he heard there were forged documents that had been discovered he said: 'What? You mean they found my diploma from Yale?'
Tina Fey is part of a generation of women who have changed the face of comedy at 'Second City,' 'SNL,' in sitcoms and in film.
Carrot Top will be doing a show about the history of ancient trunks. Gallagher will be smashing ancient fruit.
The most interesting nerds are the ones who take offense to being called nerds.
I'll always be doing stand-up as long as people are still interested in seeing me.
If you don't know how to meditate at least try to spend some time every day just sitting.
The best way to have an affair without feeling guilty is to sleep with your therapist.
You have to have funny faces and words, you can't just have words. It is a powerful thing, and I think that's why it's hard for people to imagine that women can do that, be that powerful.
I was at the mall the other day, looking for a job, girlfriend, pretzel.