Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 663
If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.
I’m Jewish. I’m not Uber-Jewish. Like I will use German to describe how Jewish I am.
I've got a friend whose nickname is "Shagger". You might think that's pretty cool. She doesn't like it.
Bush and Cheney have this whole thing where if you talk about America, if you talk about them, then you're anti-American.
There are three rings involved with marriage. The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
Some people have religion as a means of solace. But, I had a dreidel, so that was out.
I'm hoping in the next 30 years we'll end up in a beautiful world where we'll actually all are not the same but equal.
I just always wonder if I’m too obsessive about subjects. I try to avoid that.
The 99 Cent Only Store is calling itself your Valentine's Day headquarters. Guys, if that's your Valentine's Day headquarters, you can also call the garage your new home.
At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time.
In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows.
I never analyze it. Analyzing it would just be a waste of time. I just go out and do it.
How dare you compare Hitler to this president or any president? How dare you equate what he did with what Obama is doing? Do you have any idea how insulting that is? Do you know anything about history? Do you have any idea what Hitler did? He killed six million of my people, which is six million more than Obama has killed. You're a fucking idiot. You're a fucking moron. You're the fucking problem with this country.