Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 682
When you get to your third millionth frequent flyer mile, I think something snaps in your brain.
God writes a lot of comedy ... the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.
Where have I been? I've been on my flying saucer tour. Which means like flying saucers I too have been appearing in small southern towns in front of a handful of hillbillies lately... no one doubts my existence.
Bush and Cheney have this whole thing where if you talk about America, if you talk about them, then you're anti-American.
If think the pig was terrified because he was fully aware that after segment he was going to be fed to Al Roker.
People tell me there are a lot of guys like me, which doesn't explain why I'm lonely.
If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.
While everyone else was saying Trick or Treat my dad was telling us to say Triki Tras.
Private companies have a lot of capital. They can run things efficiently and get projects built.
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
In all seriousness, do rappers really speak to the women in their life like that?