Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 683
When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.
Valentine's Day was created by the greeting card industry to get pussy.
If you have an entry-level position at a fertilizer company, you are literally in the asshole of the shit business.
Whoever coined the phrase, "killing two birds with one stone," not only hated birds but also thought we needed to conserve stones.
The last couple of roles I missed out on went to Jennifer Hudson, Jessica Biel and Olivia Wilde.
When I was little, I would burn ants with a magnifying glass. But now that I'm older, I'm more of a cat guy.
Dude on my flight is watching Men in Black 3, watching with no sound & pretending its a Hitch sequel bout Hitch trying hookup an alien.
No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.
Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach!" When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!
Private companies have a lot of capital. They can run things efficiently and get projects built.