Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 683
George Lopez does so much mugging, I’m surprised he’s not up on charges.
Ever argue with a female and, in the middle of the argument, you no longer feel safe because of her actions? She may start pacing back and forth real fast, breathing out her nose. You know what my girl do? When she get mad, she start talking in the third person. That's scary as hell because that's her way of telling me that from this point on, she is not responsible for none of her actions.
You might be a redneck if your underwear doubles as your bathing suit.
President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?
I think we all remember where we were when Rush Hour hit the water. That was an important day.
Come on now! You kick out the gooks, the next thing you know, you have to kick out the chinks, the spicks, the spooks, the kikes and all that's going to be left is a couple of brain-dead rednecks.
Gays are now allowed to serve openly in the military. So maybe our next war could be a musical.
Being a big star and being known, making movies and a lot of money - that really doesn't interest me.
There is a new billboard outside Time Square. It keeps an up-to minute count of gun-related crimes in New York. Some goofball is going to shoot someone just to see the numbers move.
She had Nick Lachey’s body, a deep voice, very small boobies, and a crew cut. It would have come as no surprise if she had walked into the backyard to compete in a rock-hurling competition after dinner.
I have a nice bookshelf in my office, but not my house. I'm crass, but not that crass.
Women will do anything Oprah Winfrey says, and that is why we can't have women voting.
I wasn't feeling it, really. But I just had to do what I had to do. It turned out the better for me.