Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 730
You might be a redneck if the flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.
They came out very prepared and we missed lot of tackles. We have to start on Monday and watch the film. I kept asking what was happening. They just out-competed us.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only sane thing to do if you find yourself up there.
I wanted the show to make the most of being the last area of television that the medium originally was supposed to be - live, immediate entertainment. I decided the best thing I could do was forget trying to do a lot of pre-planning. It all boiled down to just going out there and being my natural self and seeing what would happen.
Hey, is there a new critically acclaimed movie called “Other People”? Because that’s what I want to see.
You're like an energy vampire. You suck the life out of people and take the fun out of being a lawyer.
It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
As the poet said, "Only God can make a tree", probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Basically, I got into stand-up because I’m too egocentric to be an actor and not disciplined enough to be a writer.
Every eight minutes, someone has sex with an animal... and you wonder why the attack you. Because of that man, and its up to me and a half mexican to stop him!
I really enjoyed doing the book, but you don't get any reinforcement. You just sit in a room being yourself for a long time, and it's hard to get comfortable with that. The idea of getting back in there in a room with a bunch of funny people and just cranking out jokes is just really appealing to me.