Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 757
In a normal family, a surprise means presents, cake and a party. For me ? I had no idea. And my family, doing something nice is seen as an attack. When I was nine, I 'attacked' my father with a fathers day gift. A visor organiser for his car, because it was useful. And it rhymed. Visor. Organiser. I was nine.
Nostradamus, who predicted that Billy Bailey would not come home. Never got a dinner!
We never talked to each other in my family. We communicated by putting Ann Landers articles on the refrigerator.
I didn't say no because between safety and adventure I choose adventure.
Kept looking for something to be in with. Follow someone’s blueprint. But you have to be on your own.
My wife goes "that's not a bicycle, Rembrandt!" And I go "well, it ain't a monkey wearing glasses, Helen Keller!"
My hair is always at its best in New York. I don't know what's in the water. It could be mousse.
My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
I'll take on somebody if they're offending the entire culture, not just offending me.
Drinking and driving is safer than either drinking or driving - and no one has ever died drinking, driving and juggling.
A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.