Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 762
At his wife's 60th birthday party in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, Dick Cheney had a huge steak and battered onion rings for dinner. Afterward he met with 100 donors, not campaign donors, heart donors.
Have you ever wanted to rape a clown, so you follow him into his car, and you end up having to rape, like, forty clowns?
There were a number of referendums in '98 that most of the things I voted for passed. That's very satisfying when you feel that most of the country is in step with your views.
Life is an ordeal, albeit an exciting one, but I wouldn't trade it for the good old days of poverty and obscurity.
I inherited my low-self esteem from my family. My grandfather's mantra was "I suck therefore I am."
Why can't I love him (a 2 yr old nephew) from afar? That’s how I want to love him – through pictures and folklore.
As long as your abuser has you scared, you will stay in the cycle of abuse. Thinking of solutions helps you to escape.
Aspirin is perfectly legal, but if you take 13 of them motherfuckers, it'll be your last headache.
The first guy who got Aids was a French flight attendant. How you like that Frenchie! You know when I come back and run for office, that may be the one that comes back and haunts me.
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p.
You know, the relationships we 'ave, everything sort of bubbles under the surface. No one ever says what they actually mean, do they? It's all a bit pappy and rubbish.