Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 779
If God is all powerful, and Jesus is the son of God, why did He make His birthday fall on Christmas?
We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes... why can't they make the whole plane out of the same material?
Basically it's the priests don't like the cloning, so we can make a compromise. For every cell that we use to make a heart valve we'll done one for them. It'll be a portable twelve-year-old boy's butt with five openings, four for personal use and one to call Bingo every Thursday.
As a guy who grew up with Black people, I know the N-word is not specific to people. It’s a fucking noun. It is used for everything else but people. It’s not specific to black people. <br /> I see my friends. They’ll be like, “Yo Russell, I seen you with some Chinese n*ggers last night.”... <br /> My homeboy called me, was like, “Yo, you gotta put on Discovery Channel, son They got this shit on killer whales. Yo, those n*ggers are crazy!”
White people, you did not get a receipt for niggas, you can not return us!
I have a high state of resentment for the conformity in this country. If you`re not married and having children, it`s like your life is empty or you`re a communist meanie.
I go - that's a nice tie. That's right, Davie. Ralph Lauren regularly $80. A little tomato stain, you can barely see it, 4 bucks! Sweet.
Who's to say what's better or worse anyway? Who's to even say what's normal or average? We're all different people and we're allowed to be different from on another. If someone ever says you're weird, say thank you. And then curtsy. No, don't curtsy. That might be too weird. Bow. And tip your imaginary hate. That'll show them.
Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.
Too bad all the people who know how to run this country are busy running taxicabs or cutting hair.