Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 779
Now if I walk past a group of youths I find myself holding my keys in my pocket, then I find myself putting each key in between my clenched fist, so if I have to hit him I'll fucking kill him.
As you know, I'm from Cleveland, Ohio. I love Cleveland, Ohio. I based my whole career on being from Cleveland, Ohio. And you also might know that Cleveland, Ohio, is going through some tough times right now.
To this day I can't get aroused until I see a pair of rubber dice hanging from the mirror.
When you want to make it clear to the rest of the world that you are not an imperialist, the best countries to have with you are Britain and Spain.
I'm slower and some days are better than others, but I'm a fighter.
It`s the prettiest place on the planet. My childhood was like a dream. It`s like the last Mayberry.
I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
No Faith! At least wait a few minutes until rush hour is over. You're wearing a teddy bear backpack, everyone is gonna want to hit ya.
Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
I have been privileged to get to know Kenny Dalgish and I would call him a friend – though his lawyer would call me a stalker (I don’t know why – just because I was in his garden!).
My sister Wendy has a husband and two children, and they have a family photo on top of the VCR, where they're all looking slightly to the left. As though something is going on over there! I guess something happened over to the left that made everybody happy! Except my sister is cross-eyed, so she can't quite pull it off. One eye is right-on.
We grew up in the good old days before kids had these damn computers and actually played outside.