Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 791
I was with this girl the other night and from the way she was responding to my skillful caresses, you would have sworn that she was conscious from the top of her head to the tag on her toes.
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
The American arrives in Paris with a few French phrases he has culled from a conversational guide or picked up from a friend who owns a beret.
With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.
A problem of type 2094 has occurred... what the fuck is that... what does that mean... what are the 2093 problems I skipped to get to this one?
People come up to me and say "Steve, what is film editing?" And I say "How should I know? You're the director."
George Zimmerman wants to go to law school. I believe his exact words were, “I’d kill to be a lawyer.”
Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
Father's Day makes me wish I could talk to my Dad just one more time, instead of all the time.
You might be a redneck if you think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.
Government - they used to teach it in college. It's actually something you should study and learn and know how to do. The Republicans always run on the idea that government isn't very effective. Well, not the way you do it. But it can be effective.