Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 792
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
The reason old man use Viagra is not that they are impotent. It's that old women are so very ugly.
As time goes on, the more I value doctors and plumbers. Doctors a little more. I can fix my own toilet but I still can't operate on myself.
As a guy I never liked being told to call, which my wife really never does, and that’s why I call her as often as I do.
I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.
Spiritual is the word people use when they mean they want to be covered whey they die but they're not getting up early on a Sunday.
This is how dumb the real estate agents are in New Jersey. They put their headshots and their advertisements on city benches. You know who sleeps on city benches? Homeless people. Why don’t you just put a picture of a four course meal next to it. “Here’s two things you’ll never own.”
Decorating the gym can't mask the fact that it smells like a mix between corsage and balls.
It's just easier to make fun and cut down. It's kind of a way of life in America. If you can make people want to hear what you're going to say, it can be cruel and funny.
I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.