Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 822
Have you heard his [Justin Bieber] new song? ‘Cause he thinks he’s a black man now.
We called her Mother Earth. Because she gave birth to us, and then we sucked her dry.
Unlikely things to see in a Valentine's card – "I may be dyslexic but that doesn't mean I don't vole you."
I think of people as members of an audience. But an audience acts independently of every individual. It’s an organism on its own. I focus on that living hydra in the dark.
I once dated a guy who was so dumb he couldn't count to twenty-one unless he was naked.
We're (women) our own worst enemies a lot of the time, but I still blame men.
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
I believe in eight of the ten commandments; and I believe in going to church every Sunday unless there's a game on.
At first the kid kicking the back of my airplane seat was enraging. Then I imagined it was a broken massage chair and I kinda liked it.
Life is short. Short, and not about anything except what you can touch and what touches you.
I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank?
Black culture is a fight. We want to hold on to what we are, but sometimes the things that we are can be totally negative. You have to think: can't we try something new and not be seen as suspect?
If you're keeping score at home, they have now applauded executions at the Republican debate, they have cheered letting an uninsured man die, and they booed an active duty U.S. serviceman for being gay. I don’t know how you get to the right with this crowd but Ron Paul’s new campaign ad is just the Rodney King beating to the sound of children laughing.