Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 857
I'm not so much a dragon slayer, more a dragon annoyer - I'm a dragon irritater.
You get somebody to explain the Trinity to you, they'll say "Well God, he's God, and Jesus is God as well, and the Holy Spirit is...[mumbles indistinctly]". "What?" "He's the fecund spirit of the Lord who impregnates Mary, then gets a bit up himself and is reduced to light clerical duties?" Let's examine that in joke form: three male divine natures go into a cosmic essence, giving and receiving love, but not in a gay bishop way, to which the whole of Islam goes "Wha?"; Hinduism: "Nah!"; or Buddhism: "Ssh!".
So what if your custom car shop tanks and you've gotta take a crappy job at an auto parts store, dealing with ignorant, pushy people. I'm okay with that, 'cause I'm an "ignorant, pushy people" person.
I have such disdain for anybody who gets joy out of blowing the stuffing out of a little woodland creature, that I don't really care if any of them gets shot.
Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy.
President Bush's approval ratings have taken somewhat of a dive. A senior slump, if you will. Leading President Bush to one conclusion: He is the only one who realizes what a great job he's being doing.
Denial is a powerful weapon. My dad taught me mind over matter. No matter how hurt I got, he didn't mind.
Sometimes I feel like I’m being watched, but then I remember that my show was canceled three years ago.
This woman woke up to see me and John Stamos banging on her windows. She must have thought she died and went to sitcom hell.
I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.
Some bad things have been happening to me. A pervert called me. Five times. Collect. And that damn fool won't tell me where he lives. And my fan club broke up today. The guy died.
I stopped and I thought, ‘What would Jesus do?”<br /> So I didn’t exist.
Most Americans don't live their lives solely as Democrats or Republicans or conservatives or liberals. Most Americans live their lives that our just a little bit late for something they have to do. Often it’s something they do not want to do, but they do it. Impossible things get done every day that are only made possible by the little, reasonable compromises.