Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 956
In a statement to the Associated Press earlier in the year, Jamie Lynn said she didn't have a boyfriend. She said, "I'm keeping my options open." And by options, she meant legs.
When I'm working, I'm going to avoid all media. No newspapers, no magazines, no movies, no radio, no TV. I'm just going to do creative work.
Just because he’s busy doesn’t make him more valuable. “Busy” does not mean “better”.
People who get implants, it's so depressing, you know… People - I don't know. The route of that, you know, maybe they want more love or attention, or what it is, but they always go for the most obvious place, you know? Here... Well if you really want more attention, why not get them in your eyes? And then move you eyes down to where you nipples used to be, put you breasts up on your head, EVERYBODY will pay attention!
When I have a kid, I wanna put him in one of those strollers for twins, then run around the mall looking frantic.
Why is there so much controversy about drug testing? I know plenty of guys who would be willing to test any drug they could come up with.
I'm as poor as a church mouse, that's just had an enormous tax bill on the very day his wife ran off with another mouse, taking all the cheese.
Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.
My missus has just gone into hospital with 2 black eyes and a broken jaw! It seems we were on different wavelengths when she said she wanted decking on the patio.