Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 986
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
You might be a redneck if you think 'N Sync is where the dirty dishes go.
Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn’t really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.
I have no idea what I am doing but incompetence has never prevented me from plunging in with enthusiasm.
These times are much franker. For example, in the first movie we have to assume that the daughter and the son-in-law who got married were lovers before they got married. That could never have been in the '50s.
Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard
There we go, that's it. I just hold my hand in this position for the next couple of hours.
I would never condone the burning of a Dan Brown novel, much though I loathe and detest his work. Well, I say "work", you know, words, randomly arranged to form millions of dollars... I'm not bitter at all...
Joan Collins told a reporter that she hasn't had plastic surgery; come on... she's had more tucks than a motel bedsheet!
I'm not the voice of reason; I'm more the guy using these offensive topics as fodder to raise tension in a joke.
Most bullies are the product of a stressful and often abusive home life. Next time a bully threatens or attacks you, just yell, 'Don't abuse me like your parents abuse you!' Then call children's services and tell them you saw this bully crying in the bathroom and you're worried about him. Bam! He just got moved to a foster home.
I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.
You're an investigator - can't nobody find stuff out like a woman. Y'all put the police to shame, make the little investigative tricks they show on CSI and Law & Order: SVU look like counting lessons on Sesame Street.
I believe everything in life is energy. If we're destroying our trees and destroying our environment and hurting animals and hurting one another and all that stuff, there's got to be a very powerful energy to fight that. I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.