My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.
Quotes and Jokes by Bo Burnham
Top 15 Quotes (out of 99)
Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.
Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!
I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.
The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.
Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.
If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?
Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.
When life gets you down, make a comforter.
Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.
Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.
My aunt used to say, slow and steady wins the race. She died in a fire.