Quotes and Jokes by Bo Burnham

Robert Pickering "Bo" Burnham is an American comedian, musician, actor, filmmaker, director and poet. He began his performance career as a YouTuber in March 2006, and his videos have been viewed over 250 million times as of December 2018.

Top 15 Quotes (out of 99)

#1

My ex-girlfriend had a really weird fetish. She used to like to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time.

2,586
#2

Dick's and vagina's are like Coke and Pepsi, I strongly prefer one but my dad thinks they both taste the same.

2,271
#3

Roses are grey, Violets are a different shade of grey, Lets go chase cars!

2,233
#4

I masturbate 'cause I'm the only one whose standards are low enough to fuck me.

575
#5

The average penis length is 5-and-a-half inches, and finally, the average penis length of a man who Googles "average penis length" is 3-and-a-half inches.

506
#6

Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.

438
#7

I’m circumcised ‘cause I don’t cum from the hood.

385
#8

Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no fucking sense make.

372
#9

If Jesus can walk on water can he swim on land?

321
#10

Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.

281
#11

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

266
#12

When life gets you down, make a comforter.

248
#13

Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones; or masturbate during the daytime.

244
#14

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

215
#15

My aunt used to say, slow and steady wins the race. She died in a fire.

214