Quotes & Jokes about Help

32 quotes

God help me. I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night...

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me!

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room… can even bring things to a climax.

If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.

Help me find some shoes I really like. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

Nothing matters until you realize that nothing really matters other than helping others who live as if nothing will ever really matter.

Fatherhood is helping your children learn English as a foreign language.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.