Quotes & Jokes about Help


God help me. I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night...

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

Help me find some shoes I really like. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me!

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.

Nothing matters until you realize that nothing really matters other than helping others who live as if nothing will ever really matter.

It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room… can even bring things to a climax.

What is the point of a car alarm if it doesn't get people out of their beds to come help you? So if I ever have a car alarm - if I ever have a car - it's just going to be a big speaker on the back of my car. And when anybody tries to break in, it's just gonna go: "Attention! Free bags of weed! Come get your free bags of weed!"

They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.