Quotes & Jokes about Help

32 quotes

God help me. I'm so tired. I need my sleep. I make no bones about it. I need eight hours a day, and at least ten at night...

Bono, if you want to help poor people, sell your tinted shades, you cunt.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places.

I saw a sign at a gas station. It said 'help wanted'. There was another sign below it that said 'self service'. So I hired myself. Then I made myself the boss. I gave myself a raise. I paid myself. Then I quit.

Sometimes a little brain damage can help.

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

I think we have to help the helpless. The clueless? I don't give a rat's ass about the clueless.

Help me find some shoes I really like. Help me also to find a nymphomaniac coke connection who owns a Ferrari dealership.

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me!

Sometimes heckling can almost help a set, because it ratchets up the tension in the room… can even bring things to a climax.

They say the universe is expanding. That should help ease the traffic.

If you’re reading it in a book, folks, it ain’t self-help. It’s help.

It always helps to think about other people instead of ourselves.

Once you begin to believe there is help "out there," you will know it to be true.

Nothing matters until you realize that nothing really matters other than helping others who live as if nothing will ever really matter.