Quotes & Jokes about Sport

28 quotes

Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.

I learned early on, stay away from politics, stay away from religion and don't talk about sports. Those three right there will get you in trouble.

I don't care for sex. I find it an embarrassing, dull exercise. I prefer sports, where you can win.

Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!

Swimming is a confusing sport, because sometimes you do it for fun, and other times you do it to not die. And when I'm swimming, sometimes I'm not sure which one it is.

Running isn't a sport because anyone can do it. Anything we can all do can't be a sport. I can run, you can run. My mother can run, you don't see her on the cover of Sports Illustrated do you?

Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror.

Drugs are very much a part of professional sports today, but when you think about it, golf is the only sport where the players aren't penalized for being on grass.

I think extreme sports are really good for relieving stress.

I don’t believe for a second that weightlifting is a sport. They pick up a heavy thing and put it down again. To me, that’s indecision.

Gay people invented sports. Think about it. Boxing. Two topless men... in silk shorts... fighting over a belt and a purse.

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

Sports bars are also a great place for guys to meet other guys - either for sex or for wrestling, whichever feels more right.

Sports fans eat shit.