Quotes & Jokes by Kevin James

48 quotes

Let go of the damn door! Sit your ass on the kerb, I will come around and let ya in!

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.

I had many teachers that were great, positive role models and taught me to be a good person and stand up and be a good man. A lot of the principals they taught me still affect how I act sometimes and it's 30 years later.

Love the questions at the airport because they make you feel real intelligent. "Sir, do you know what's in your luggage?" "No. I tied a sock around my eyes and packed with my feet. I'm thinking hot dogs and gunpowder."

I want to do movies that I'm proud of where my kids, at some point, can see and I can feel comfortable sitting there watching it with them. And just that move people. That make people feel a little bit better about themselves when they leave the theatre.

I went water skiing and I found out that I scream the exact same if a great white attacks me... or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

I just want to put some positive stuff out there. If it works, great. If it doesn't, no problem.

Back in '93 I saw my first UFC fight and just became enamored by it then.

Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

As American as an apple is and as American as baseball is, they don't go together. You can't be chewing an apple at a baseball game. You've got to let go of the diet that day.

For some reason and I don't know why, but I don't think that I'm funny in California. So I always want to do my movies east somewhere.

I took a public speaking class in college and managed to make the class laugh a little bit.

It's always cool to meet people who can do things that you have no capacity to do.

You know, when you're a fat guy you don't need a reason to sweat. Guys come up to me and go "Jeez... what have you been doing - jumping rope in the attic or something?" "Umm, no... I peeled an orange about an hour ago, why?"

My fitness goals are different than most peoples. Most people want to lose enough weight so they look good in a bathing suit or they want to lower their cholesterol. I just want to lose enough so my stomach doesn't jiggle when I brush my teeth.