Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1010
What was the first cat that talked a human into putting a cat door in?
Rappers misspell things from time to time, just for fun. They'll use a 'Z' instead of an 'S,' a 'Y' instead of an 'I.' If I was an accountant, I would do that with numbers. I'd be like, 'Yo, here's your check. I used a 1 instead of a 5. Just keepin' it real. Don't wanna embezzle, my nezzle.'
If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?
I would like one day to not only pop a hymen but actually pull the plastic off the vagina, unwrap the vagina.
Massachusetts became the first state to marry gay couples, though lawmakers say allowing gay couples to get married raises a lot of questions. You know, such as: does that best man invite both guys to the bachelor party?
At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.
If someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle, you might be a redneck.
I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.
Isn't that just being a whore? You don't need to join a club. Close your legs, sister.
The Cadillac Escalade is the perfect vehicle for a pimp with a growing family.
If you mention to a woman that the song is disgusting and mysoginistic, they all give you the same answer: "He ain't talking 'bout me!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick … He said your name! "No, he didn't!" Smack her with a dick, smack her with a dick …
When the Academy called, I panicked. I thought they might want their Oscars back and the pawn shop has been out of business for a while.
If the worst thing that can happen is that nobody laughs, then I can deal with that, because the worst thing that can happen at the factory is that I could lose a limb or be crushed by a huge machine.