Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1044
A flag is supposed to represent everything that a country does. It doesn't only represent the good things. If you burn the flag, you're burning the flag for what you perceive to be the bad things the country has done. It's only a symbol. It's only a piece of cloth.
I'm not religious anymore, but I think it's like papal infallibility, which is a ridiculous man-made tenet, like what I believe most religious tenets to be, are man-made after the fact.
This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
So, I pleaded guilty on advice of the lawyer, which is the last time I ever listen to a prosecuting attorney.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Centuries ago, human beings created marriage. Later, they looked to the sky and dreamt of traveling to the moon. Coincidence?
Our grocery store now has self-checkout, "for your convenience." It's like getting punched in the throat, "for your comfort."
Amazon has included me in an opportunity to provide top-shelf television-style programming live on the world's computer screens. To hold forth with the industry's very best actors, directors, musicians, authors - I'm thrilled to be on the cutting edge of this.
I still take the pill because I don't want any more grandchildren.
Big, skinny, regular size it doesn’t matter as long as your young.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.