Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1072

I feel sorry for high school teams still named the Cougars. Now what does the coach say? "Get out there and play like horny old ladies!"

It's nice to be in Washington, where the buck stops here. Way to go. And then it's handed out to AIG and many other people.

You might be a redneck if the dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

You might be a redneck if there is a gun rack on your bicycle.

A place where we all go can’t be bad.

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as badly as he misses it. Michael Moore represents everything I detest in a human being.

On a scale of 1 to 10 I give scales of 1 to 10 a 3.

Just got an email from a necrophiliac wishing me dead. Hey, thanks for the compliment!

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.

If you feel ill at ease in your own skin get it taliored.

I don't know about condoms for everyone in porn. But there is a strong case for goggles.

You might be a redneck if bikers back down from your momma.

It's a great day for America, everybody! It's Monday, woo.

The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.