Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1115
Easiest job in the world of course, Australian psychiatrist, “Gday Gday how you doing no worries next”.
Why would these English explorers search for these spices, yet never use them in their food?
The only thing that makes me cry at weddings is the DJ’s playlist.
They're always going, don't deal with terrorists. Let's deal with them. What's Allah offering you boys, 100 virgins? We'll give you 50 slags.
We had our own Olympics and forget the color war. We had the colon wars, which was sort of sad. The rabbi was the head of the sports department, and he said, 'Let the injuries begin!'
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered "So did my arthritis!"
Every time the circus comes to town, I can't help thinking, "Somewhere out there, there's clown semen."
I thinking gay and straight people use the same putters, it's not a matter of putters but a matter of hole selection.
Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?
They say it's lonely at the top. It must be even lonelier at the tippy top.
Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman. It's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.
My Gran said to me, “Young men of today just aren’t as polite and charming as they were when I was young”.<br /> I had to explain, “That’s because they aren’t trying to fuck you now.”