Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1169
Mitt Romney looks like an American President in a Canadian movie.
Valentine's Day money-saving tip: Break up on February 13th, get back together on the 15th.
I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love.
Bob Dole revealed he is one of the test subjects for Viagra. He said on Larry King, 'I wish I had bought stock in it.' Only a Republican would think the best part of Viagra is the fact that you could make money off of it.
You might be a redneck if the diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
No one has ever said to me ‘go home and make a baby.’ I have been told several times to go to Planned Parenthood and make the baby go away. Happy Hannukah.
For God sakes, this is a woman I was married to for 10 years. We made love. I'd hold her head over the toilet bowl when she threw up.
Natural child birth means no drugs will be administered into the female’s body during the delivery. The father can have all he wants.
People always ask me, "Did you see Larry's latest movie?" I always say, "No, but I flushed a ten dollar bill down the toilet, so I feel like I've seen it."
I knew a girl so ugly, she had a face like a saint... a Saint Bernard!
I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera."
The media tells me what I find attractive in a woman? I think my dick tells me what I find attractive in a woman.
The acid I did in my twenties alone: I don't want to see the kind of baby this sperm is waiting to create.