Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1225
Wrote my own communications software in LISP. Got a phone bill for a thousand dollars. My computer keeps calling itself.
I’m not very good with people. Even when I was little, my imaginary friend would play with the kid across the street. And I’d be like, “I guess we’ll meet up later.” And he’d be like, “Whatever, queer.”
I use the word totally too much. I need to change it up and use a word that is different but has the same meaning. Mitch do you like submarine sandwiches? All-encompassingly!
One of the coolest things about the word "boobs" is, when you look at it, it has boobs.
Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
Of course, here's the weird part. After I fought my dad, all of a sudden we're buddies now. Like he's my friend now, we start hanging out. But we're still the same people. So we'd go out on Sunday, you know, and just be hanging out, then he'd, like, pick a guy, and we'd just go beat the crap out of that guy as a team. Memories, huh?
Earthquakes would be great if they could hit specific areas, like the parent lounge at a children's beauty pageant.
Everyone, calm down. I met with Mr. Cent about a potential project. There's nothing to report yet, I'll let you know if there is.
You have to be able to laugh at yourself. That's what I tell Asian people all the time.
Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
It became sort of a snowball effect, with guys trying to deal in their own way with 9/11, whether it was drinking or whatever,
Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn’t pay for.