Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 156
The giant superstars are people whose talent is so enormous that their death wish can't destroy it.
Sophia Loren, whose new baby asked her, "Is all that for me?" Never got a dinner!
Actually it broke my heart to hear that we were going to have to part ways, ... It's a business and they had to do what they had to do.
Without comedy as a defence mechanism I wouldn't be able to survive.
It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot.
Breakups hurt like a motherfucker, but they are not the end of the world. The pain is temporary, and if handled properly, they can even be life-changing.
We all pay for life with death, so everything in between should be free.
There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.
I've always felt like I work in a small little area that doesn't represent anything like the rest of society.
Space tourism is God's way of telling you you aren't spending enough on lap dances, baccarat and cocaine.
They went to the Moon and they brought back rock. Trouble is, we've got rock. That was the one thing we didn't need, wasn't it? "Rock, Neil? I don't know whether you looked at the planet before you took off, but it's made of fucking rock!" "But it's Moon rock …" "Oh, fucking hell, this is Earth rock, Neil, come on! Have you heard, on the stock market, rock's gone up three points? No, it hasn't, has it? 'Cause it's fucking rock!"
Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?