Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 242
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
My girlfriend wants me to choke her while we're having sex. But I say, what's wrong with while we're having dinner?
I like when people give up chocolate for Lent. Ooh, just like being nailed to a cross.
Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.
My friend Winnie is a procrastinator. He didn't get his birthmark until he was eight years old.
Digital brand integration is part of the evolution of product placement. It's simply another tool marketers use to get products integrated into shows. If you can put it in a package, we can put it in a show.
If man were immortal, do you realize what his meat bills would be?
White people talking about how Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves. No he didn't; polyester did. They stopped wearing cotton; they had to let us go.
When you don't take an aggressive role in shaping your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions, you become a helpless passenger floating through the universe like a ghost ship, merely reacting to wherever it takes you.
My theory has always been that everyone in show business is there because they were deprived of some attention as a child.