Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 364
We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we all living in one created by someone in the future?
If you don't believe in yourself, then who will believe in you? The next man's way of getting there might not necessarily work for me, so I have to create my own ways of getting there.
We have two hundred languages in Europe. Two hundred languages! Count them! I know you won't!
You can talk about things indirectly, but if you want to talk how people really talk, you have to talk R-rated. I mean I've got three incredibly intelligent daughters, but when you get mad, you get mad and you talk like people talk. When a normal 17-year-old girl storms out of the house or 15-year-old boy is mad at his mom or dad, they're not talking the way people talk on TV. Unless it's cable.
If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
I know there are kids out there, I want to make sure they all know that driving without braking is not something I recommend, unless you have professional clown training or a comedy background, as I do. It is not something I plan to make a habit.
I can tell you now what I couldn't tell the studio then: Purely in case the movie was like a monster smash, I would have gotten too recognized.
I was born in Alabama, but I only lived there for a month before I'd done everything there was to do.
I think if you steal well, you’re a genius. If you copy badly, you’re a hack.
Do you guys remember that woman who disappeared a few years ago, Chandra Levy? Do you remember her? I found this fascinating. Apparently, the day she disappeared, she had gone on her computer, and the last website she ever visited was an online map of the park where her body was found. That's true. I just hope that if I ever disappear, people don't look for me based on the last websites I visited.
I bought a dictionary, and the first thing I did was look up dictionary… it said "you’re an asshole."