Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 419
Heard on the radio this morning about a guy who walked into a bank and presented a teller with a note that read "I have a gun. Give me all your money. Bang." The teller gave him the money and he walked out of the bank. He was caught only a short while later. Why? He had written the note on the back of his parole card.
I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?
I was always working, so I would get reading done very late at night a lot of times.
Fatherhood means a great deal to me. I love it. To me, there aint nothing better, because your kids keep it real with you. When you think things are bad, you look at them and they show you how things could be all right, and it's all worth it.
There's not many a man who would get shot and then come visit the family responsible.
It's the competition that I think is weird. They're not lifting weights. It's like, 'Alright, Kalkrovich, we fill these grand pianos with molten lead. See how many you can hurl in that third story window in 30 seconds.'
Dog Park was a blast. I love Bruce McCulloch. That was a case of the studio taking the cut away from the director, and it went from being a great movie to a shitty movie. Bruce's original cut that I saw was hilarious.
If you're passionate about your work, it makes the people around you want to be involved too.
You might be a redneck if you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
Love. Hygiene. That's the important thing. Hygiene. The toughest thing in the world: you have to turn to your mate one night and say: "You gotta wash your ass!" Shit. Knowing how difficult it is, I said it for you: you gotta wash your ass.