Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 476

Where I grew up… in Brooklyn, nobody committed suicide… you know, everyone was too unhappy.

Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake.

The pamphlet uses my name, my likeness, my 'shtick' (if you will), and my very act, which is derived from my personality, to attract attention and converts.

People expect me to do the classics, and it is a lot like playing a favorite song.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

I think in Russia, there's a lot of storytelling and anecdotes.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

I'm actually kinda quiet off stage, a lotta people don't realize that, I was at a dinner party recently, a bunch of people that I don't know, one guy talking plenty for everybody, "Me myself right and then I and then myself and mee me I couldn't tell this one about I cause I was talking about myself and Me- Meee- Mee- Me- Me!" Beware the me monster.

I don't need to be redundant to the gay community about what's wrong and what isn't happening for them.

I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

I wanna see a snake eat spaghetti.

Pursuing your dreams involves you accepting where you want to go. Don’t allow anybody else to talk you out of things or discourage you from doing whatever you want to do. You can hold on to your dream and never pursue it or you can start pursuing it. If you can see it, or if you can envision it... it can happen.