Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 475
There is nothing like making love to somebody you give a shit about.
I was stuck in traffic and I looked in the mirror and in the car behind me there was a couple having a horrible argument, and right below their image it said "Objects In Mirror Are Closer Than They Appear". I just thought, man I hope so because she was pretty mad.
Doormen are kind of invisible, people don't know their names. They just say, Thank you, or Good morning. I'd never thought about doormen before. They're a vanishing breed. More electronic doors are being introduced.
If Abe Lincoln took part in the Republican debates, he would look out of place with his intelligence, compassion and gaping head wound.
There's this new device you can buy for your car and it's got a keyless device and you press it, it's got a heartbeat detector on it. So you aim it at your car, you press it, if it flashes that means someone is in your car and they're going to kill you, all right? It's not going to be good -- so you press it. If you want to buy it it's like $550. If you do not have that money you can do the old school route which is just look in the window.
I look better, feel better, make love better and I'll tell you something else... I never lied better.
I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.
He was in the air most of the time. On the air, in the air, one way or the other. It was his thing and this was his airport.
Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing.