Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 521
You know what they should call this war - Son of Bush vs. Son of a Bitch.
You don't say 'we're suspending the campaign'! You can't say that! We didn't sus-, you can't, it's the democratic process! We didn't suspend it for 9/11, we didn't suspend it for Pearl Harbor, we didn't suspend it for the Nazis, we didn't suspend it for the damn British! We don't do that in America! We don't! There's no suspending the campaign! Democracy first!
Comedy, if it's done well, can reflect the mood of a nation. It can be a mirror to who we are, what we believe in, what we are like.
I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head.
I know De Niro, you know, it's all famous that he packed on 60 pounds for Raging Bull, but ah, he just did it for one movie, I do that for every movie.
I love running cross country... On a track, I feel like a hamster.
You know you must be doing something right if old people like you.
Evaluate every performance on: stage presence, concentration, delivery, material and lessons learned.
I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'
School shootings were invented by blacks... and stolen by the white man.