Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 751
I love Mexico because it’s a giant dollar store. That economy though - I don’t understand that. When your money gets so valueless at what point do you just sit down and go, “You know what? we got to go back to trading chickens again. This is just not working.”
It's easy to sit on a mountaintop and tell people what to do and how to be happy. I have chosen to do that. Not because it's easy, but for a different reason, which I would reveal, if your mind was ready to handle it, which it isn't, which is also very convenient for me.
It's the first day of spring. That means this weekend I'll take down my Christmas lights.
In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.
White boys always get the Oscar. It's a known fact. Did I ever get a nomination? No! You know why? Cause I hadn't played any of them slave roles, and get my ass whipped. That's how you get the nomination. A black dude who plays a slave that gets his ass whipped gets the nomination, a white guy who plays an idiot gets the Oscar. That's what I need, I need to play a retarded slave, then I'll get the Oscar.
A good way to keep your relationship together is not to scream in terror when you see your partner naked.
A person that is going to go out and get so drunk that you're going to get sick is just an<br /> all-time dumb person.
Fang is so dumb. When he won his letter for high school the coach had to read it to him.
If your name is 'Christina' and you spell it 'Xtina', there’s a 99% chance you've given your stepdad a blowjob.
It wasn't until I became more confident with myself and I put myself forward instead of the jokes; at first it was put the jokes out there and I'm just behind the jokes.
You see people waving. You don't see people having problems, with each other at least.