Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 751
Julie Christie was absolutely amazing in Away From Her. Brilliant movie. It was the moving story of a woman who forgets her own husband. Hillary Clinton calls it the feel good movie of the year.
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. "Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic." "Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here; helicoptered in!?"
Captain Hook's mother, who said to Little Hook, "For God sakes, don't scratch it!" Never got a dinner!
The problem with the suspenders my mother bought for him is that he hasn't adjusted the straps since he got them. So instead of attaching somewhere around his midsection, the suspenders clip onto his pants three inches below his nipples. Now picture the suspenders attached to sweatpants. This vision is what first led me to coin the term "camel balls".
It's very tempting when you really want to be with someone to settle for much, much less - even a vague pathetic facsimile of less - than you would have ever imagined. Remember always what you set out to get and please don't settle for less. These guys exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to.
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry.
Life can be really hard some times but its better than being a butterfly where you only live a month.
I don't have the time to steal other people's material even if I wanted to. The reason why these rumors got started is that I don't really contest them because I don't believe they deserve contesting. I really don't.