Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 816
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
If I live below a tap dancer I would just put really powerful magnets on the ceiling. We're not tapping shit now, are we? More of a tap stander.
I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.
As an actor, there was that freedom of not having to worry about lights or marks or other people. It was just going out there and having fun with the character.
I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.
ACORN is organizing to make sure the job of rebuilding New Orleans is done by the people of New Orleans and truly benefits the communities who have been hurt the most.
I tend to stay up late, not because I'm partying but because it's the only time of the day when I'm alone and don't have to be performing.
It's stressful being a hypochondriach. In my home I have a walk-in medicine chest.
I'd get demolitions experts to rig mother to implode like a skyscraper.
Dear girl seductively sucking a lollipop in her pics. We get it. It's a cock. A yummy peen. Too nail on the head.
No one entertains the thought that maybe god does not believe in you.
I’ll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.
Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.
I once dated a guy who was so dumb he couldn't count to twenty-one unless he was naked.