Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 866
Congratulations to whoever is finally booking music we love. It's going to get us out of the house after dark!
If you're a man and you have big tits, don't wear a tight T-shirt, okay? It confuses the children!
Because when you say "shit", it makes them cry. "Why didn't he say 'poopie'? Why didn't he say 'poopie'?"
I was wondering if Circuit City could possibly make their receipts just a little bit longer.
I saw a poster for Mission Impossible III the other day. I thought: It’s not impossible if he’s already done it twice.
I tell ya I got a stupid son. That's one load that shoulda been shot on the wall.
Well this is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around I can leave one hell of a mess.
Hi, ladies. My name is Charlie Baileygates. Would you like to see my weasel?
Some people are like Slinkies - not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
I would like to say, for the record, that I am in favor of using more American Indians and other minorities in motion pictures, I am against polluting the oceans of the world, I am for every nationality having its own homeland, I am against whacking baby seals on the head, and I am for saving the whales.
In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip.
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it...