Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 938
I'd like to do a reality show with four white people...who are dropped off in a really bad black neighborhood. And the show would be called...Cracker Hunt.
I find that Americans are all in the middle somewhere, except for the extreme nuts, and extreme nuts on both sides are the loudest. And that's why it feels like we are polarized.
Repeat after me. I promise not to run outside of the house. I promise not to run inside of the house. I promise not to touch, pick up, step on, anything that looks interesting.
Hello, this is Harris. I'm in right now, so you can talk to me personally. Please start talking at the sound of the beep.
Denmark is charging a fat food tax on cheese, meat, and oil. Here, we call that the Denny's Grand Slam breakfast.
The Australian comedy circuit is kind of small, and big in the most inconvenient ways. There aren't many venues, and the ones we have are hundreds of miles apart and separated by mountains. That's probably why so many of us come to the UK
Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife.
When I was a kid, if a guy got killed in a western movie I always wondered who got his horse.
I won’t say I was slow developer, but our teacher was quite pleased to have someone her own age in the class to talk to.
I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now.