Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1024
Chocolate covered peanuts, chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered pretzels... Chocolate. So afraid to be alone.
In America, we like everyone to know about the good work we're doing anonymously.
He admitted this was stupid. It's a very serious offence. I wouldn't consider it a prank. ... It could have turned into something that caused far more injury, and even death, than it did.
She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.
Once you've been an astronaut and you've gone on a mission, doesn't the rest of your life just add up to one big disappointment after another? What are their daily lives like? ‘Golly gee, I caught a fish! Ha ha! This reminds me of that time I walked on the fucking moon!’
I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.
Everybody is corrupted by hotel rooms. You can't help it. It's the only place in the world where you walk in and the first think you do is steal everything before you take your coat off.
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
Maybe everyone doesn't deserve a second chance. If I can be perfect why can't you?
I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.
Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.