Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1058
I would only take a role that I know I'm comfortable in and I can do. I've turned down plenty of things because I'd feel it's not me, and I wouldn't want to come on someone's project and flip that.
This is my first week as an American citizen. It's amazing. Now I can vote in the general election - and for American Idol.
When I was seven, I watched "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" with my mom. When Jack Nicholson was strapped to the table getting electroshock treatment, my mom burst into tears. She said it reminded her of her life, and I was stunned, because I didn't know my mom had been nominated for an Oscar.
If security guards aren’t allowed to carry guns, I don’t have to obey their made up rules.
The only thing that you can get into without a lot of trouble is a lot of trouble.
Nazi Germany was so destructive to Judaism not only for the loss of life, but because many who survived began to see the practice of Judaism as somewhat of a health hazard.
My wife has to be the worst cook. Her specialty is indigestion.
When you look like I do its hard to get a table for one at Chucky Cheese.
I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.