Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1059
One of my friends has a stutter and a lot of people think that's a bad thing, but to me that's just like starting certain words with a drum roll. That's not an impediment, that's suspense! What's he going to say? Car?... or Carnival?... Carburetor? Man...
I don't know about condoms for everyone in porn. But there is a strong case for goggles.
I don't care what anybody says, I think that George Bush is absolutely the right president to oversea the end of the world.
The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.
When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.
Would you please - stop - taking - pictures - on your tiny - annoying (whispering) fucking camera. This is happening to you in real time, you are having the experience. It's not much point to verify that you were at the event when you're actually here.
Going to war over religion is basically killing each other to see who’s got the better imaginary friend.
You might be a redneck if you consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food.
It's nice to finally get scripts offered to me that aren't the ones Tom Hanks wipes his butt with.
When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.