Comedy Quotes & Jokes / page 1148
There's just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what's actually, physically, going on.
I have three kids, the oldest is 18 and her friends are going to see it The Aristocrats because they told her they're going to see it, especially her guy friends.
My shrink told me I had an out-of-family experience when I was growing up.
But then the Roman Empire fell like this- "oh shit". And we went into what the historians called the Stupid Fucker period. Where everyone was going - "er, I dunno. Is that a Roman road? Can we eat it?" Then there was the dark Ages. "I can't even see you! Where are you?"
You might be a redneck if you’ve got more than three cousins named "Bubba."
Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something, but you can be a genius, you try and write a postcard you come across like a moron anyway: "This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye."
A lot of the struggle I had with movies is I really loved moments and tones and feelings in a scene, and I loved creating those, but I never really had great stories to string them together.
When I was a little kid I wanted to be Face [A-Team]. I thought, cos I had blond hair and he did too, that when I grew up I'd look like him.
Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That’s where you find your voice.
I'm 38 and could very much bare my midriff, but it may make some people nauseous.
A lot of the comedians don't even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
As hipster chicks age, and their skin starts to sag, tramp stamps sink below waistbands, like the sun slipping into the sea...